My Year in Review | 2019

Auto-captioned from the film, lightly cleaned. Elena's words, not edited prose.

let's start from the beginning so this year start off in Southern California with family and friends before heading back to New York City I took a trip to Montreal to experience a very snowy and very jolly Canada this is my first time visiting a city so covered in snow and braving temperatures negative 10 degrees Fahrenheit I arrived back in New York City at the end of January and began the hunt to find my own apartment it took about two and a half weeks of touring countless apartments and couch hopping in the mean time until I finally found the perfect spot all admit it was a very anxiety-inducing experience but it was ultimately a very proud adult moment for me since this was my first time renting my own apartment and signing a lease completely on my own the next few months consisted of just trying to survive my first real winter in New York City and trying to beat the winter blues by hanging out with friends and deepening relationships I started working at the wing which is a woman at centric co-working space and it's been a godsend as I try to navigate working out by myself on a computer all day alongside trying to stick to kind of my own 9 to 5 schedule while working remote there was concerts and nights out and birthday parties and fashion shows as well as a little weekend trip tin March to Nashville as april rolled around I had the insane opportunity to go to India for two weeks with Contiki India has always been one of those places I've dreamed of visiting but I figured it would never really become a reality for me so this trip was surreal during my time there I discovered that India has one of those beautiful kind and open cultures I've ever experienced Mark Twain describes India far better than I ever will be able to when he wrote India is the cradle of human race the birthplace of human speech the mother of history the grandmother of legend and the great grandmother of traditions the transition from spring into summer included long days and sweet little moments one of my best friends from college grace visited me in New York City as well as my mom and sister sage soon after I teamed up with the Utah Board of tourism and visited Salt Lake City with Ashley and then spent time in New York City just trying to get to know the city better in June I flew back to California for my sister's high school graduation and spent quality time with all those I love on the west coast it was around this time I started feel really burnt out from overworking and felt uninspired because I've been creating weekly videos for about four to five years straight and from this really learned and saw the value of rest and taking time for myself the summer days in New York City seem to blend together in just a hot sweaty blur there are weekend trips to Philadelphia to see fish for a family reunion and Northern California to be a bridesmaid in my friend Kristin's wedding the summer I learned that you can go to the beach in New York I saw the Bronx Zoo and I watch fireworks over the New York City skyline summer in New York City brings a certain light-hearted energy into the city that I really loved getting to experience one of my ultimate summer highlights was traveling all the way to Bali and Indonesia to go on a trip with some of my subscribers it was so crazy me to have these gals coming from all over the world simply because of this platform here on YouTube there's some other quickest friendships I've ever made and as an experience I will truly treasure for the rest of my life some are eventually began to wind down and I soaked in the long days after work on the weekends with friends and joying all the different opportunities and experiences and of course the incredible food that New York City has to offer in September a longtime dream of mine came true when I attended my first Fashion Week in York I'm still blown away from these events I attended in the people I met in fall I went on a trip to Scandinavia with EF ultimate break where I traveled throughout Norway Sweden and Denmark with Jenny and then decided to extend my trip a few days and fly to Berlin Germany for a solo adventure just a few weeks later the Korea Board of tourism invited me to South Korea and I hopped in a plane to work with them and then flew to Tokyo Japan for a few days as well Japan has been my number one travel destination on my bucket list for years so it was a dream come true in October I went back to California for a quick weekend trip for my brother's wedding which is just still so crazy to me it's so unforgettable to experience something like that as a little sister and I'm so excited for them and their love and to have Evy join our family back in New York I welcome the change in temperatures and colors of leaves as fall came in full swing I celebrated my 23rd birthday in November with my favorite motley crew of friends from all over the city and I honestly was overwhelmed at the community that has formed over the year there's like a special magic to Newark City during the holiday season and I enjoy doing some of the main tourist traps but the month unexpectedly became a hard one for me as certain things didn't go as planned and I was really happy to return home to California for the Christmas season this year has taught me so many crucial lessons on what it means to grow up in a sense it's been one of the most challenging years of my life the youthful scales of childhood and naivete truly fell from my eyes and I feel like I aged five years in the span of this one but with this came a growing appreciation for how aging and the challenges that come along with it shape and enable us to grow deeper understanding of the world and hopefully develop greater wisdom over all Oh New York my greatest teacher this year this city has hearted me in ways that were crucial but of course still very difficult at times despite the hard moments I've absolutely fallen more in love with this chaotic city and I'm so proud to call it home New York City teaches you to find your voice and to learn to truly speak up for yourself I've realized here that honestly nobody really has it figured out and it's okay if I don't know what I'm doing comparison is truly the thief of joy and success can be found in a combination of vision scale and sustained effort I love the intellect and drive and creativity that swoops you up in these streets but I've also had to work hard to find a balance this year a balance between work and friends hobbies and also learning to prioritize myself and simply taking the time to try to get to know a deeper version of Who I am and who I want to be 2019 taught me so much about community and friendships for one community does not come easily in a place like New York City I think it's safe to say that despite being home to over 8 million people New York City is an inherently lonely place one of the greatest ironies is that you can brush shoulders with thousands of people a day yet and feel incredibly distant and removed from each body moving around you it takes intentional work to meet people and develop meaningful connections this year's show me that the best way to create genuine connections and grow in areas where I'm striving for success is to try to be unapologetically myself and to not take myself too seriously as we moved into different chapters of our life those that we keep near are bound to shift I learned how hard it is to stay in close touch with friends from the past but the ones that matter will always be there a new chapter requires making space space for new people in friendship and ways of thinking and I'm grateful for each individual that house filled that space in New York and challenged the way I think and act and see the world the Z has also been an affirmation to the fact that one of my favorite feelings in the world is packing a backpack and arriving at an airport feeling like the whole world is at your fingertips and nothing can stop you I've learned so much about different cultures and religions and ways of living and I'm so grateful for every time my eyes and heart are opened wider to the beautiful complexities found in each new country state and city dropping is something I always dreamed of from a young age and I always hope to find a job that would allow me to travel the world and this year it feels like that dream has come true at the same time I didn't stay in the same place for more than four weeks at a time this entire year and with that I definitely grew a greater appreciation for routine in my life as well as for those friendships where you feel like you can pick back up right where you left off this year's held some of my greatest memories and strongest emotions I've ever felt it wasn't until the second half of the area that I slowly learned to be more vulnerable and truly sit and embrace my feelings there was burnout and anxiety tax and loneliness and fear I felt deep love and joy as well as deep pain and heartbreak on a level I hadn't experienced before 20:19 came to a close with a revival of my love for learning and intellectual growth it taught me to keep myself accountable I always want my online life that I share with you to be simply me and not just what I see is an ideal version of myself I realized we're too young to settle for good enough keep in mind this does not mean we can skip out on putting in time and hard work and just miraculously dive straight into our dream lives but I do encourage you to take a look at the key elements of your life that are non-negotiable to reach your dreams regarding your career passions relationships and goals if it's not a hell yes then it's a hell no as this year comes to a close I have many more unanswered questions I look forward to exploring in the future one thing I've asked myself and explored is what it means to be alone I feel that admits the commotion and chaos of a large city true solitude is hard to find anywhere but within yourself and what a world there is to explore getting to know yourself and your deepest desires and dreams better I've learned to be alone not all the time but long enough to hear myself and find stillness I've always been a say yes kind of person down to run towards the scenarios that scare me or out-of-the-box I feel like I've been good about facing my fears in certain aspects you know making big moves and barking on adventures et cetera and this year I've slowly pushed myself to practice it in new ways especially emotionally and mentally what about the things that truly terrifying me what about the things where I'm scared I'll fail or face rejection or put my heart on the line and opened myself to new depths of courage this Europe search for my why my biggest passion reason or cause that fuels my decisions and drives me forward my life mission what I want to do with myself and as far as finding this why goes I can't necessarily say that I found it I desire to make an impact that will serve the greater good beyond just myself isn't it and loving others and fighting for what lights a fire in her chest makes us feel the most human I encourage you to identify what you want in your life and actively pursue that pushing through fear or discomfort in the name of growth fulfillment adventure in our life were faced with comfortable security and stagnation or expansion in search of what is unfamiliar and daunting so I encourage you to try to think of just even one thing in your daily life to change and start there so 2019 thank you for showing me how to grow up how to live as an authentic version of myself around others how to embrace loneliness and sit with pain how to never take an opportunity for granted and to slowly learn more about myself and the person I strive to be I can't wait to see what this next decade holds