this mindset is changing my life

Auto-captioned from the film, lightly cleaned. Elena's words, not edited prose.

Hey, how's it going? I'm over here. I miss you. I miss chatting with you. Coming to you from beautiful California. So, I turn 30 in 6 months, which I think is pretty cool. And there's a mindset I'm trying to inhabit between now and then. I want to fail more. Hear me out. To finish off my 20s, I want to be bad at things. I want to do things just for the sake of doing them because everything is a win when the goal is to experience. It's so easy going through life sticking to what you know.

We stop trying things we might be bad at. We don't try new things unless they think they have a productive output or we can turn it into a side hustle. We stop walking into rooms where nobody knows us. We scroll endlessly and save things into tabs rather than actually trying them. We tell ourselves, "We'll do it when we get better." We say, "I'm just not that kind of person." But why can't we be? I feel like it's so easy to wake up one day and wonder where all the novelty went, but maybe it didn't disappear.

Maybe we just stopped putting ourselves in situations where we could find it. So, as a recovering perfectionist, I would say I'm really good at staying within the confines of what I deem comfortable and uncomfortable cuz I just hate being bad at things. So, for the last 6 months of my 20s and beyond, but we're making this a bit of a goal, I'm trying to work on collecting experiences instead of accomplishments because everything is a win when the goal is to experience. I recently read a Substack article that was titled this.

It said, "I've been thinking about how tired I am of trying to be impressive as if living wasn't enough unless it could be turned into something beautiful, articulate, something that proved I was doing it correctly as if existence needed a justification." So, I want to pursue hobbies because I think I'm learning that life gets so much bigger when you realize you don't need to be good at it. I want to learn as much as I can and accept failure and embarrassment and everything that comes with it cuz I think it's all part of the process and is the ultimate way to be incredibly present cuz all we really have is this exact moment.

Here's to failing more. Adulthood shrinks your life when you become afraid of being bad at things, but I think the moment you allow yourself to actually be a beginner again, no strings attached, your life actively expands. How tall these are. They're taller than me. This is beautiful. Testing, testing, testing. Can you even see me in this? Hello. It's a beautiful day. Q you, too. No let it slip, boy. So, where does this all start? Where do we lose the curiosity? That is my question, my friends. As kids, being curious and being bad at things was obviously expected.

Like, you were expected to just try things, and you're probably going to be shitty, but that was okay. If you had parents who were able, there's a good chance they probably tried to put you in a lot of extra curriculums. I mean, my mom certainly did. She put me in hip-hop dancing. I was way too shy for that. Soccer, I was not coordinated enough or quick enough. Basketball, because I'm a tall human, and I think she expected, you know, the growth spurt was coming, but I also was not aggressive enough.

You know, none of these really stuck, but you tried, and you were allowed to be curious and experiment, and you were expected to be bad. It was just part of the process. But, then eventually school starts rewarding competence and being good at things. And then at a certain point, being discouraged to try the things that aren't your strong spots or your skill sets. And honestly, I think I miss the version of myself who tried things without needing a reason to. I live so much in a very like frictionless capitalistic society.

We go towards the things that are easy that we can either monetize or master or be good at immediately. I'm tired of that. For example, in college, I went to a beautiful little uni right by the ocean where all my friends surfed, and instead of just getting over my embarrassment of learning surf, I'd paddle out with them, and I would just sit back beyond the break and just kind of wait. The longer that I was nervous to try to go for a wave, because I was scared of falling on my face or ass in front of all these people, the more anxious I got.

And the longer I waited, the more anxious I became till it became almost debilitating. And any joy of being with my friends in the beautiful ocean in the sunshine just become completely overridden with anxiety, embarrassment, shame. And I never learned how to surf. So, here I am at 29 and some of those old feelings still bubble up, but we're trying. Starting to get hot, so I think I need a nice ice chai. Psychologist Carol Dweck popularized the idea of the growth mindset. Let's go get some coffee. The belief that abilities aren't fixed, they can be developed through effort and practice.

And for years, honestly, I'd look at things I wasn't naturally good at or maybe I didn't learn as a kid and think, "Okay, I've missed my chance. That's not happening." But that's a fixed mindset, believing your potential is set in stone and you're either good at something or you're not. But a growth mindset says you can always learn new skills and you can always become someone different than you were before. I think it's harder than ever to believe that these days. Live live live your best life. So easy to constantly compare ourselves to people on social media who just seem like they are more innately successful, talented, creative, rather than becoming those things over time.

But a growth mindset reminds us that our identity isn't fixed and neither is their future. You don't have to stay the same person you've always been. So, what am I doing, you might ask? I've signed up for a bunch of classes, doing things I actively suck at, like practicing cooking. I'm getting over my surf anxiety and I found a surf instructor. I've signed up for a silversmithing class at my local community center. I'm pushing myself a very much so outside my comfort zone. Hi, hello. How's it going? I just parked at my silversmith lost wax casting class, which I'm excited about, but I'm nervous.

I'm nervous. I don't know why I'm nervous. I think I'm nervous just to try something new. I'm nervous to be bad at something. I'm like, I want to like it, but what if I'm really shitty at it? What if I don't make any friends? But I'm proud of myself for trying something new, for just doing the damn thing. I had the idea, I found the class, I booked it, I'm here. Let's give it a try. Hello. I'm trying to do better and make my own coffee at home. It's not as good.

It's just not as good. You might be like, "Girl, where the hell have you been?" Or maybe you just clicked on this video and you're like, "I literally don't care." So, I'll make it quick. But I basically spent the vast majority of 2026 exploring a lot of different parts of the country actually to kind of figure out where I want to live. Decided and baby, I'm back in California. Part-time California and I'm still part-time across the pond. It's been insane figuring out all the little details of that. Also, I literally was not anywhere for more than 5 days for 14 months, which I don't recommend.

Not great for your brain. As we know, I'm on my hobby game. I'm trying to do things that are uncomfortable and new and I'm bad at. My jewelry class actually was so much fun yesterday, which was really nice. Like I really missed working fully with my hands. It gives me quite focus and like you really can't do anything else and like, god, that that is such a lost like element of my life. So, I adored that. And I also had a surf lesson this morning, which was humbling and a bit painful.

Been a few now and it either like fluctuates between me leaving being like, "Wow, that was amazing. I spent time in the water." Or literally I cried once because I'm by myself in my car. I'm so discouraged, you know, being out there for hours and catching like two and a half waves if that. We're trying, we're learning. I've always just kind of accepted the fact I'm not super athletic, I'm not going to learn how to surf. It is what it is, but I'm like, "No. I get to reform my identity if I want to.

So, there we go. Let's go to the beach. Your 20s are overrated. You don't want to see me make an entire video about this. And yes, your 20s are beautiful and expansive and messy and so important, but the need to have it all figured out like some deadline is absolute And when you take it too seriously and focus on other people's expectations and opinions and critiques, there's good chance your mental health will seriously, seriously decline. I feel like when you're 25, at least when I was 25, I had this fear that by the end of my 20s I needed to have it all figured out.

My skills, my hobbies, my professions, my friends, my geography, my community. But truthfully, it's continuously changed and shifted and reformed and it's going to continue on that way. I feel like a lot of anxiety honestly came from yes, many things, but particularly that book The Defining Decade. Like raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by The Defining Decade. But if you're someone who's like an overachiever or prone to wanting to like fix your life or be really productive, which might be if you clicked on this video, there's a chance for you in that book and might have messed you up.

I always joke that my 20s had a ticking clock syndrome, as in I was constantly feeling like I was running out of time to do the things I wanted to do by a certain age, figure things out. there's parts of me that wished I learned to, you know, skate or surf or speak French at 20 before my frontal lobe developed and it's considerably harder now. But you bet your ass, I'm going to still try at 29 and 39 and in my 60s. Like most of the people at my art class, at my local community center, are in their 60s and I am so inspired by that.

Being bad, sailing, trying new things is like the ultimate antidote to feeling like you're running out of time cuz it just shows you you can constantly be evolving and like forming into new versions of yourself. And if you're just doing it for the experience, then the outcome doesn't matter. I recently just read a book called The Untethered Soul. So I'm very much in my like era of the future does not exist, which I mean is true if you really think about it. Like the past and the future literally do not exist.

All we actually have is this present moment. This moment you're watching this video is literally the only moment that exists. And if you're living in the past or you're focused fully on the future, you're not living your life. You're fully missing out on your life by existing other places outside of present moment. Let's get comfy. As the athletic conglomerate says, just do it. I've been reading a lot of these trendy books as of late on creativity, like The Creative Act, Parts of Daring Greatly applies, and a lot of great Substack.

I feel like it's teaching me that you have to let go of shame, start somewhere, and be willing to fail. Feel like you just have to wake up and realize like literally you can just do anything. Book the class, buy the ingredients, start the hobby, use that moment of inspiration when it hits, and go for it. And it doesn't have to be as dramatic as flying all the way to Italy and learning how to make gnocchi from nonnas. Like start with a YouTube video or flying to India to learn silversmithing from the masters, which sounds very tempting, I must say.

Like look at your local community center and find classes that are easy to sign up for. Look, I love a bit of escapism as much as anyone, arguably more than most, but I'm learning as I get older it has to be within reason. It's got to fit in schedule, it's got to be cost effective. I'm a huge fan for checking out your local community centers and civic centers. I know it's a privilege to have the time to explore different things and the finances, but there's so many incredible ways to do it.

Like look, I had never tried a snow sport until this year. This is my first year cuz that is expensive. I have not been able to do it until this point. And like yes, I failed miserably. It was really embarrassing, but by the end I had a great time. First day, miserable. Miserable. I wanted to quit. I I felt like a 1-year-old trying to walk for the first time. Sure it can be awkward, messing up, falling over, being clumsy, not knowing anyone, burning the food. But I feel like discomfort is just like peak evidence of expansion and growth and being alive.

So if you want to introduce newness into your life and you don't know where to start, going back to the things that brought you joy and excitement as a kid is like such a beautiful launching ground. Like maybe you learn to love to draw and you haven't picked up a pen or a pencil since you were 9 years old. Like I adored crafts as a kid, tie dying, bedazzling shorts, scrapbooking, upcycling clothing, you name it, I loved it. And that's part of the reason why I want to get back to doing crafts.

Something I've not done in many, many years. I'm probably going to be absolutely crap at it, but it's part of the process. I think we're so often taught that failure waste time, but I think at a certain point avoiding life waste so much more of it. So, go fail more. Go be bad at something. It's a curious thing that human beings seem to take everything so terribly serious. The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious, and yet everyone rushes around in a great panic as though it were necessary to achieve something beyond that.

Because the moment you divide life into what matters and what does not, you invent failure. You invent guilt. You invent the nagging voice that says, "You could be doing more, being better, achieving higher." And so you spend your days running faster on the wheel, chasing a seriousness that was never real to begin with. To let go is entirely different. It says, "Nothing matters in the way I thought it did, and therefore, I am free to love it all."